I trashed it!

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Trebling feet, hot air, exhaling and sweat dripping, hyperventilating realizing this is a panic attach when asked to read out loud my book of choice. They laughed and shamed me into a corner of abnormal discomfort. No human being should feel such hatred feelings.

“Can I be somebody else right now?”

“Should I be somebody else right now?”

They ask us to write up self-expressive words to sum up things we enjoy and yet those things are shut down because it’s my job to please thier voices and ideas. You see I wrote the lines that made up me and as I got to the front of the line I could hear them saying. “That’s just not good enough.”

I could hear them telling me that my words clearly didn’t make sense and that I was wasting my lines and time. As it was clear that my time to go up was drawing closer. I headed to the back to rip up the pages of my true honesty before my English teacher could say. “Miss it’s your turn to read to your class.”

Am I the only one who can hear them, judging me on the presidential podium? Checking their tonal gestures towards their superior social media skills and shaming those who can’t seem to fit into the molds they have set. I’m a people pleaser , I can’t help but get it just right as they want it. If they don’t like it, then I won’t and if they won’t accept it, then I won’t and that’s because I’ve become a ghost of myself. When you’ve been playing the ghost game for so long there’s only so long until you stop existing in realities realm…

Kristen BellPeople Pleasing , anxiety and depression

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