“I find myself pretending that I’m okay just so I can satisfy you. I’ve become something I don’t recognize behind this dramatic play I’ve set up for you .The stage lights they blind me and the audiences applause’s they suffocate my inner voice Leaving me helpless and alone I’m trapped! Inside this never ending show of pretending I try to break free but it’s impossible because I’ve lost every piece of me as you desired an encore.
The theaters lights shine bright as they roll in the next scene and ask the extras to begin their lines. Am I on mute as I speak to you through the crowds pushing ad prodding you down for relief as if this is my religion.
“What do you want from me?” I scream over and over again into your ear but I find only I can hear my own voice and my own ears are bleeding from this agony, “Alone!”
Alone, “What must I do?” I ask myself as I sit in the dark with razors at my hands and salt pouring down my charcoaled pinked cheeks hoping for something to catch me out of the dark?
You hate me or maybe you love me too much I keep telling myself but I’ve come to a conclusion this toxic game of tic tac toe is not working for me, I’m tired of reserving a coffin for myself and telling Lucifer that his got to have a place for me in line to hell because my lovers got me holding my breath and for once I’ve got to catch my breath and that’s my fuckin secret…”