She asked him if it was okay if she was in love with the idea of loving him more than him and if that idea had made sense to him. You see she had this obsession. No this need to get under the piercing skin of what it felt like it was to be in love! You see she’d be in love once.
When the winter days seem like they would never end and like snow would never stop falling and like in those twisted fairy tales she loved so dearly. She would hold his hands, and he would tell her he loved her beyond the world’s edge, which had meant that there was a point at which the world would fall and there their love would meet an end.
The dinner is occupied but not to maximum overflow just enough occupants to keep the breakfast flow.
“I love you to the world’s end, Nathan,” She said into his ear as she tried to assure herself that this isn’t going to drag her back into a world of self-loss and disassociation. ‘I will not become the other counterpart of him or become a lost object at the world’s edge in a misery of lost love.’ She drilled into her mind like a militant doing their training. This has now become her slogan if one could have a slogan written across their forehead
“I love you Abigail with all my heart and soul,” Nathan responded heart first like a baby entering the world for the first time not knowing that warmth brings fire and coldness bring about drowning. Like a child clinging to his mother so desperately.
Saying things that he will regret unaware because it’s clear there’s a void between them.
“Nathan I’m in love with being in love with you…” She finally musters up as she pours the syrup over her pancakes and watches the crowds off in the distance as to avoid the agony that is Nathan and heart-breaking because you see she doesn’t want to tarnish this idea. She’s locked in her head this picture perfect montage twilight romance.
But the fumbling of sugar and knives calls for attention, “You said you loved me! I don’t understand…so you want to break up?”
She takes a glance at him, and it’s clear she’s too in love with this idea and doesn’t want to pull the plug but what about the corpse attached to the notion the concept that brings about feelings of anguish and sense of loss and emptiness. There’s silence as she loses her breath and syrup to an anxious paradox of probability of thoughts.
I’m in love with your love but not you…