They say that a summer’s love never lasts and maybe that’s where everything went wrong. I had hoped that things would have been different and that we would have made it out of the ideas that shaped what could be.
I had placed her on hold so that I could come back to her and understand just exactly what it meant for us to be together. That was my mistake thinking that I could place somebody into a position they could never occupy. I should have known then that things would fall apart from then, but as they say, love leaves you blind. And so I wondered about trying to fix every little thing and blinding myself to the errors that I had committed.
Zina was always feisty with her expressive facial gestures and endless words of self-expressive ideas. I watched as she entered down the stairs in search of me. I had hidden away from her physically and emotionally behind piles of books.
“You must not like me that you have hidden away from me like this.” Zina pointed at the books that laid around me that created my escape from her and me.
I had paid no attention to her words but my eyes they couldn’t help trace her from the rim of my book. My fingers gripped tightly onto the thick paperback that held me away from her as she drew closer leaving a scent of vanilla over my head and heart.
“I want you to hold out for something that makes sense and right now this idea that we are more than what we are is just too much,” I shouted out in complete helplessness as emotions rushed over me. My eyes had gazed out as she had backed away cutting the air in total disbelief.
“You can’t play a game of chess with me as a piece. I’m an emotional person, and I need to feel out my emotions.” She responded without a thought of how my world had seemed to crash ever since she stepped foot into it. I held onto my book and grasped a whiff of the old worn pages to ease the fiery fear that filled my gut.
Zina had moved in closer in hopes of getting a direct answer to the question her physical body screamed what are we doing?
“Say something to me! Say anything for goodness sake!” she yelled out and it was a complete character shock as passionately expressive Zina never shouted. The book that I held no longer had effect as I was left to deal with the reality that was in front of me
“How you must feel like you must reprimand me like a mother scolding her child. The affection you place over me it burns!” like a volcano erupting my words had erupted her, and my feelings were clear. I was afraid and in love with a dagger that pierced my heart.
“Burns! My love burns you?” the one thing she could have never imagined that her love could do had taken a root of me in a way that I could not explain without crying as I could not handle the pain that attached itself to the things that made us up.
“I love you, but I can’t handle the other stuff,” I called out to her as she turned to face me whipping her razor bob haircut. For a moment we had locked eyes in silence that cut like knives through flesh and bone. Her green eyes filling with tears had left me broken and out of place.
“What love? If this is a love it doesn’t fit right, and maybe it’s best we drifted apart” her voice had assured me that we had reached our journey’s end. One thing that was evident about Zina was her mind could never be swayed like a pendulum.
“Forgive me,” I begged, but I knew that my words were pointless as she dragged herself up the staircase leaving me to myself misery.