Forest Of Feelings

The thing about forgotten memories is that they leave us uneasy because we are forced to live with an impression of them constantly. Every so often these memories find themselves creeping up on us bearing feelings that we don’t quite seem to understand or place. So we are left to feel what we might have never liked. Liana placed her toes on the moist ground that had gotten rained on the day before as to announce spring season.

She always loved the spring and not because of the new life it bought or the romances that seemed to grow wildly within this season. She loved it because it heightened all that was dead from the winter before and all that had yet to change. She hadn’t seen the change of season this time and was unable to lavish in the love she had found within it for a while because she had come to hate the season she found most beautiful and warming. All that the spring seemed to represent had only left her with resentment this time round. The ground was soft and unfamiliar  like a foreign alien covering what she once knew but she continued placing her whole foot into its encompassing frame that hugged each and every curve of her foot. Her eyes had lightened up for just a moment as the familiar but forgotten sensation covered her.

The forest floor was covered with bright green grass that had just begun sprouting after a cold and wet winter. The spring brought about a bunch of new plants and even bigger bright mushrooms that loved the lush earth. The landscape of winter had seemed to vanish only leaving behind frosted moss on the aging trees.

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The mystical ordinary

Liana had run out of the cold building that she lived in for so long and had forgotten that spring had come about and offered a new landscape to explore.

She hadn’t left her house for over a month as the thought of the empty unknown space terrified her more than spiders crawling up her body. Her biggest phobia had become the world and so she did what she knew best. Liana had hidden away from the sun, moon, and sky in an attempt to find some sort of self-survival from the perplexing world. She was away from the earth that surrounded her for so long that the sight of fresh plants blooming devastated her mind. It’s as if she had hoped the world might have stopped for a beat, allowing her to rest and catch up on demand. That wasn’t that case as the hedges that surround her home had grown beyond imaginable and the grass had sprouted endless flowers that bloomed from tossed seeds.

The sight of the young flowers opening and the clear blue sky’s left Liana unsettled as everything seemed somewhat too perfect and that wasn’t what she wanted to see.

She couldn’t handle the sickening perfection that forcefully exposed itself. She especially couldn’t deal with the sight of the perfect world after her own lack of perfectionism. She had stepped out of her front door and stood on the stoned path that had shrunk in width from the ivy that had spread all over her front garden.

The Ivey had spread like a virus attempting to cover all trace of man, only leaving its vines and leaves as the last trace of beauty. Her bare feet had dug into the ivies roots by mistake but subconsciously Liana had acted this hatful action with content as she wondered further away from her comforting door and house. As she moved slowly through the front garden on Bambi’s legs she had begun to let go. Every breath she had taken had begun to give her more leeway into the unknown.

The sky was clearer than ever without a trace of clouds passing by as She grabbed her nightdress in distress almost stepping back in fear of the many things she could see so clear. The sun had chosen her as its victim as its rays kept hitting her and its lightness weighed heavily on her like a ton of bricks hoping to build something steady and strong. Liana’s eyes looked up to the sun trying to suss out what could be the cause of her discomfort. Lianas final breath of exhaustion is released from her lips as her movement had draw her further away from her houses front door.  Leaving her pale bare feet to reach the end of the rock path that met the untamed grass.

A new sensation to explore out and a chance to move further away from where she had been before and the person she had become. Walking over the grass had seemed like such an easy task one she could do without blinking but her fear had taken a hold of her. Liana had always prided herself on her ability to preserve and achieve but the grass that stood still had become a sharp collection of knives waiting for her to stand over. The fresh air filled her lungs up as the wind pushed her long hair far away from her chest, thighs and back most importantly it brushed her black hair far away. Liana could finally feel the cold wind against her face, soothing her into a state of ease. She was not always like this, the girl looking for any hint of hope so as just to survive a day. She never lived like a gambler tossing a coin at every choice of life and death.

The grass stood still as it invited her in with its bright green vibrancy. Liana had stood still watching the grass completely unable to visualize herself or a coin flip moving her forward. She stood still among her biggest fears of the past and future pressing her for answers. The front grate creaked a high pitch sound drawing her out of her deep thoughts that had occupied her. She watched as her mother had appeared through the tiny fenced gate.

“Where have you been?” Lianas mother asked as she walked a few steps towards her, holding out a bag filled with empty bottles.

Liana’s mother loved recycling and that wasn’t just one of the many things she had mastered in life. She was the type of women that was the definition of all-round perfection. She sported the coolest trends and had a body that made men swoon even after giving birth to three kids. Her mother managed to run a business, raise a family and maintain the perfect balanced personality. All these things her mother seemed to embody were things Liana could never seem to obtain and it frustrated her so much more having to see her mother.

“I haven’t been feeling well…” Lina finally responded as she attempted to take a few steps back towards her front door which lead back to her safety space of isolation.

“You haven’t spoken to me for almost a month. What type of illness keeps you away from everyone for a month?” she interrogated Liana trying to find out just how her daughter could be so out of reach. There’s a loud silence between the two ladies as Liana’s mind races with valid excuses that would not make her look weak whereas her mother Julia took up a bitch face as an attempt to intimidate her daughter.

“I just don’t get it Liana…please tell me what are you doing with your life?” she remarked as she audited her daughter’s life against her own which had always been a norm for Liana.

“What do you mean what am I doing with my life?” Liana boldly asked her mother for the first time she could feel herself becoming bold and somewhat grounded. It’s as if the foundations of her life had reshaped for just a moment allowing for something greater to take place.

“I’m living that’s what I’m doing with my life.” Liana stared her mother down making sure not to blink or show a sign of weakness as her mother looked for a mistake to exploit from her daughter’s life…

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